Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
