Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There was a lot of him and a little penis
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
