i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
