Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
