OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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