ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
