i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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