I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
