batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
