What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
