one might say we're banned from that church
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
