Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
