Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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