i permit you to call me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
