Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
