HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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