i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
