Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
