atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
vagina is talking i cant
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
why is half of my head shaved?
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