AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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