apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
