come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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