i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
