i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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