i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
