Kiss
Puke
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
