You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
