He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
