i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
