She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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