I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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