it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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