OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
