I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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