The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
