gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
