She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
