So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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