just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize