WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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