no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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