8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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