I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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