i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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