Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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