youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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