Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
