thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
