I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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