I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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