just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
