I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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