It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
