you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
