Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
