so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
