I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
