I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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