All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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