were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize