I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
