I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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