I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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