I'm really into asian looking animals
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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