according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
