does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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