i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
