I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
