the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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