How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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