i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
