wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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