Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i already hear my dad disowning me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
