1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we should paint friendship bongs
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