Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
