I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
