Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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