bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
