Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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