My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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