You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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