At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
