69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
