First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I faked an abortion last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize