i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
